I'm leaving Facebook at the end of the week. Let me admit up front that I know this might be temporary. All I know is that, after months of digging on my big, far-flung, loose community of FB friends (and after urging loads of people to join!), I'm suddenly struck to the heart by how it all encourages and supports my laziest self.
Am I truly "keeping in touch"? Is it really enough just to log on, make random ironic or loving comments, occasionally send a message? Am I not simply turning FB on as though it's the 24-hour AllMyFriends channel, accepting whatever happens to be on at the time?
Then again, is now the right time to promise myself that I will work harder at keeping contact with my friends? Should I not be thankful for the FB hub and for how much it fills in for me, for real human effort?
I have no answers. Maybe the passive nature of it is only bugging me because I am contemplating losing my dad and am at the front of a huge relocation - in other words, maybe I just need to get over myself. Maybe I'm just sticking my head in the sand, overwhelmed by how big life is and how much love has come my way in the last weeks.
Or maybe I'm hungry for something that's really missing, squinting my eyes after what's vanishing.